How to Prepare for a Mediation Session

You'll never hear me say that mediation in general is a waste of time or money. However, there are ways that you or your attorney can make it a waste of time and money. With mediation set as a requirement in all divorce, legal separation and allocation of parental responsibilities cases that don't settle on their own, sometimes mediation can turn into what we used to call a "check the box" event. Sometimes attorneys or parties will hire a mediator and show up with their arms crossed or unprepared simply to tell the Court that they complied with the mediation requirement. The crux to the requirement, however, is that the mediation must occur in good faith. This means that the parties and their counsel, if they have them, are expected to show up to mediation ready to negotiate.

So, what are the best practices for showing up to mediation to ensure a better outcome?

The number one thing that I have seen trip people up in the process of engaging in mediation is not having updated or correct information. At least a couple of days prior to mediation, both parties should gather and exchange any current statements, paystubs or other applicable financial information. Not having this information on the ready during mediation can cause delays as one party logs in and downloads and shares documents that should have already been circulated. It is hard to discuss how to handle the house proceeds or equity if you don't have a recent mortgage statement and some agreement or document on the property's value. Because marital asset and debt division are not done in a vacuum, it is important to have all of the current values and balances available for the mediation session.

The second thing that is helpful for mediation is to meet with your attorney to genuinely brainstorm potential settlement negotiations. Your attorney, if you have one, should be compiling what is called an Asset/Debt Division spreadsheet, worksheet or calculation of some kind as your case progresses. This is a table that keeps careful track of all of the assets and debts of the marital estate. Sit down with them and discuss your options.

If you don't have an attorney, you can still do this on your own. Make a spreadsheet and list all of the assets and their values -- real property, bank accounts, investment accounts, retirement accounts, vehicles and miscellaneous assets (guns, jewelry, rugs, etc.) -- and all the debts and their balances -- mortgage, student loans, credit cards, personal loans, auto loans, 401k loans, etc. -- and use a formula that calculates the totals and differences. Play with those numbers and see if you can come up with solutions.

Not only should you and your attorney (if you have one) be thinking of the financial aspect of potential settlement, but you should also come to mediation with an idea of what parenting time and support payments (child support and/or maintenance) might ideally look like. Become familiar with the different parenting time schedules and how child support or maintenance may be calculated.

Being prepared and having a good communication with your attorney, if you have one, is the best way to get the most out of your mediation session. But keep in mind that mediation is also a discussion between three to five people. This can bring unpredictable positions and issues that you or your attorney might not have anticipated. This is fine, of course, if you have a mediator that can help guide you. The point is that, as with life, mediation can be unpredictable at times and no amount of preparation sometimes can get you ready for what might come up. But follow these simple tips and you're as prepared as you can be!